Mosaic // by MⓞEY.

It is just the right time, I should start caring less… it is becoming unbearable, I care about people too much, and most of them do not care even if I hang myself in the room and die. Stress. That is what it is all about… I have projects to finish, it’s the last month in this grumpy course finally, I’ll be free for two weeks, then get stuck in an amazing summer course for a month, I do not want to leave Amman, I love it here in June and a two weeks visit to Kuwait isn’t worth it.. My friends are not there, and family had enough of me I am sure -visited in February for 3 weeks, April for a weekend-.

I still remember the days, back in 2005 when my group was all-together, September… I hate you! September 2005, the worse month in history, the hardest time in my life ever! We had to split, moved to Beirut, Arizona, Amman, London, and Sydney.

I choose Amman, believe it or not. No one forced me to do so… I regret it later on of course and wished I chose Beirut instead. I like Amman; I do not “love” it (I am a terrible liar). It is amazing how we just split, everyone in my group used to live in Kuwait, now everyone is in a different continent.

We are not the same “friends” anymore, we lost passion for music that brought us together, the rebellious days we spend defending our rights (Rock music isn’t a sin and is not the devil’s music… etc), camps, nights out, drive-in cinema. I do not end up crashing in a friend’s place on Thursdays, taking my clothes off to keep them clean and spend the night watching a movie anymore, I do not make out with my girlfriend in the drive-in cinema anymore, I do not enjoy late night rides in the desert anymore, I remember the day when I’d order from a cheap-ass restaurant and end up hating the minute I ordered food.

I miss “myself”. Look at it now, most of us left all that behind, we are not the same anymore… I’m studying at university now (some are doing that right now as well), some got married, pregnant and delivered babies as well, some forgot about their age and started working seriously in family business, some are still stuck in school. Quite funny isn’t it?

I looked extremely funny at the age of 16. my spiky long hair (not the cheesy one with gel and didn’t look like being electrified), I used to spend like half an hour to do my hair, use shitloads of wax and spray to look like sonic, hahaha I miss My think goatee. Then I would put on a heavy metal T-shirt on, has to be black of course, a black trouser or leather pants, and around 5-6 to pieces of spiky sharp aggressive jewelry.

Look at me now, I wear jeans and nothing but jeans, I sometimes care about how my hairstyle and sometimes not. I do not wear black much, I only have 2-3 black t-shirts, and I do not have any problems with wearing any color… God, my wardrobe is just like rainbow from the inside. Shocking, eh? My definition of jewelry is a piercing or two, and a watch maybe. I do not even have one ha-ha. I do not even like metal music that much now; I am into indie, rock, and alternative.

I miss Thursdays, not the fact that the nightlife here sucks, it is the fact that people here are different, and the culture as well. It is hard to find open-minded parents here that would let their daughter spend the night out, or even let her boy/girlfriends crash at her place on a weekend, watch a movie, grab some pizza, beer and pop-corn and sleep.

I cannot believe that we do not have drive-in cinemas in Amman, with the entire deserted areas that we have… I miss camping too! Spending summer on the beach, watching women in their bikinis (yo, we need entertainment too!).

I am hopefully looking forward this august, we have a re-union. Yes, I know some of my friends did not see each other for almost 2 years now; it is just weird when you see each other on daily basis and then suddenly that disappears… I am ready to shock and get shocked. I am not afraid; I just miss my old life.